Thriving…but like, realistically.
Flipping the Script
Redefining wellness for real life—where strength is built, joy is chosen, adventure is chased, and grindwashing, toxic positivity, and performative BS get left on read.
🔥 Strength | ☀️ Joy | 🏔️ Adventure | 😈 Irreverent Humor
We’re your bold, 3AM partner-in-thrive—high-fiving your squat PR like it’s Super Bowl 50, peer-pressuring you into finally taking that decade-delayed vacation, breaking down complex life sh*t with memes, and making you laugh so hard you’ll wish you foam-rolled first.
Seriously—you’re old(er) now. Chill, we are too (kind of).
Always aspirational.
Painfully authentic.
Our Code
Because every cool community needs a code, and nobody likes “rules.”
(We also reserve the right to update as needed, or if we just feel like it.)
1. NO A$$h*les.
Be bold, be unfiltered, but don’t be a d*ck.
2. No Topics Are Off Limits…Except Violence Toward Animals.
We’re here for real talk, real sh*t, and real life. We love the floofs of this world and we draw a hard line at violence towards innocent animals. This does not include spiders in our homes. We respect their right to live, but not in our homes, uninvited, and rent free. Just no.
3. We Don’t Believe in Perfection.
In fact, we (respectfully) make fun of people who do. We believe in progress—not the perfection-obsessed productivity trap that makes people miserable. We’ll gladly suffer for our goals. We love that Type 2 fun. But, we don’t suffer on golden hamster wheels, chasing ever-moving finish lines.
4. You're Allowed to be a Walking Contradiction.
We eat whole, nutrient-dense foods…and wash them down with kombucha and a slice of carrot cake. We crush PRs on Sunday and watch Bridgerton with our dog on Monday. We are distinguished wellness professionals who struggle with the same issues as our athletes and clients. We’re coaches who laugh at “do as I say, not as I do” because we’re all guilty of it. You are allowed to hold seemingly contradictory truths; in fact, we think it makes you more interesting.
5. We Thrive and Delight in Equal Measure.
Thrive, B!tch is the marriage of strength and joy with a sprinkle of sass. We understand the importance of both for a life well-lived.
6. Big Goals? Hell yes. Toxic Hustle? Hell no.
We love ambition. We love growth. But hustle culture and toxic positivity are dead to us—because burnout isn’t a flex, struggles aren’t weakness, and carbs are not the villains. Let’s face it: grindwashing is a “full-on Monet.” Ugh, as if.
7. Mind Your Own Body and Business.
Your journey, your body, your business. We provide a safe space to thrive, delight, and even struggle without judgment. So when you feel the urge to comment on someone else’s journey, body, or choices—don’t. In the wise words of Glennon Doyle: ‘Mind your own body.’
Wellness, with a rebellious streak—
like maxing deadlifts to 2000s pop punk, dancing for 'rest' between sets, then inhaling all-you-can-eat sushi with your Millennial coworkers.
Meet Chief Sass Officer Jess Elliott
Hey, I’m Jess—the human behind Thrive, B!tch. Long-time strength and conditioning coach, adventure-seeker, occasional writer, and professional-grade bullsh*t detector.
At 5’3” in a room full of 300-lb NFL players, I didn’t exactly fit the mold when I started coaching in 2011. But with a keen coaching eye, a Hermione Granger brain, and the persistence of a Yellowstone touron trying to pet a bison, I carved my own path.
I coached everyone from high schoolers to Olympic athletes, specialized in elite sports, tactical strength, and even corporate wellness. Somewhere along the way, the endurance community adopted me. I even converted to running. And in a moment of pure delirium, I became an ultrarunner.
But something still felt off. I felt off. The f*cking midlife crisis is real.
After years of chasing the next right step, I realized what I wanted most: community, non-toxic wellness, and authenticity.
So I started Thrive, B!tch—because I was sick of performative wellness, hustle culture, and the age of influencers and creators. I wanted real conversations about the real wins and the real struggles of wellness. I wanted a space to thrive and delight—and maybe, just maybe, bring together others who felt the same way.
If this sounds like your kind of crew as you chase big goals, collect small joys, and flee from toxic wellness—speak friend, and enter!
Get In, Loser. We’re Thriving
No fees, not a cult, just real wellness and real talk.
Thrive, B!tch. Sharp words, strong opinions, and zero tolerance for grindwashed nonsense. Reporting from the frontlines of real-life thriving and unapologetic joy. Dearest Thriver, you’ve been warned.
